stupid... just stupid!!

so... i thought i would be a good mommy and sign the kids up for swimming. the girl is no big deal, i know her level. the boy means i have to go to because he is too young. i went online this morning and signed them up. it took 2 hours to hit, how stupid i am.

do you know what this means? i have to parade in front of all those tiny mama's in a bathing suit. any time i wear a bathing suit i feel like jabba the hut. that's me. and there is a huge window along one entire wall plus an area for clothed parents to watch. me. in a bathing suit.

excuse me, i need to find a brick wall to bang my head against.

Shocker

well.. the complete unexpected happened. i was outside this evening and it wasn't nearly as hot out as i thought i was. i was struck by motivation like lightning. i ran upstairs, put on my gear, announced to the hubby that i was leaving for 30 min or so. and i did. i was in such an all fire hurry to get out of the door, however, that i forgot to take my mp3 player. i had no music. so i had been tossing the idea of staying out 45 min, but with no music i am suprised that i made it for the whole 30. actually it was 32 and i ran for 4:10 of that. rather proud of myself, i must say.

frustration

i am so frustrated. i have been trying for almost a week to get up at 6 and i just can't. it is so hot here, that anything later and you are risking heat stroke (not that that stops some people). i am staying up to late, getting my second wind before i can quickly hop into bed and ingore it. my eating is great until my mother in law pulls out the dessert/cookies/cupcakes/sweet loveliness that she brought home with her, and there is always lots for tomorrow. and she LOVES to go out for lunch. i desperately need to get out and exercise. on the upside i am doing more cleaning :)

a new life lesson

Today i was at a water park with my kids and one of their friends for 3 hours. they had hats and sunscreen, shade time, the whole nine yards... no this isn't what you are thinking, i did take care of me too. I had a hat, sunscreen, shade time. after their lunch break i made sure to re-apply sunscreen to all of us. the mistake i made was when i re-applied my sunscreen, i was wearing my tank top which i was not wearing when we were around the water. this is not the life lesson.

the life lesson is that i was going to post a picture of my sunburn on my back and when i took the pictures with the auto timer i got a brilliantly clear view of exactly why i starting this blog. my ass! my fat rolls! jesus christ save me from myself!! yes the 14 lb that i lost and have managed to keep off despite the presence of my mother in law in the house is great, but a far cry from where i had hoped to be at this point, and no where near where i need to be.

do you know what my problem is? do you care?? LOL... i dont care if you care, i am gonna tell you anyways. i forget that i am way overweight. in my head i am average weight and don't look bad at all. in my head, because i am not fat i don't need to watch what i am eating or exercise. the problem is that in my head is, sadly, only in my head. when i catch sight of myself in a mirror, or like today with the camera, it takes me aback, i am shocked, and then i say "oh. yeah. i forgot. stupid."

week 27 - Tuesday

My daughter had her tonsills out today, and i did suprisingly well. especially seeing as i was starving! i think it was sympathy hunger, though... because i was hungry even right after i ate. It was really stressful though.. could have been stress hunger, which i consider par for the course.. but i didn't do awful.

cal 2115 perfect, but i may have missed something.. i really tried not to though
fat 86 over 20g.. *sigh* at least it wasn't double
fib 25 well done
pro 72 probably higher, but ah well
sod 1700 well done

i didn't exercise.. i'm afraid it isn't going to happen this week, i am all about my daughter right now. plus, it is dangerously hot. convenient that it would happen when my priorities are elsewhere.. :)

week 27 monday

i went out walking yesterday morning. even at 9am it was really hot! i decided to walk to pick up my perscription, and i took my son with me in his stroller. It took us 20 to get there, 15 min waiting and browsing, and 20 min home.. we were about an hour all together and i was DRIPPING when i got back home. it felt great and i know it was a good workout because i am hurting still today :). i am hoping to get out again tomorrow morning.

i have been really tired lately, and today i am feeling bloated and yucky. plus, my weight has been creeping up. i am still down 10lb from where i was, but no where near as good as it was. i really need to make sure i am active, and watch my eating better.. it is really hard with my mother in law living here. she gets cravings for bad foods and buys me lunch, and she is stocking my pantry with temptations. she will still be here for another month, so i gotta learn to say no.

well, i started tracking again because i WILL NOT put the weight back on!! i mean it! so i have numbers again.

cal 2340 OVER!!!
fat 112 HOLY CHRIST, OVER!!! DAMN NEAR DOUBLE!!
fib 19 fine
pro 96 actually pretty good
sod 1820 good

jesus! if that is what happens when i am watching it, no wonder i put some weight on! there were so many things i DIDN'T eat LOL..